I Hiding

Ps 94v22This morning he raced into the kitchen screaming.

“I hiding!” He announced as he collapsed on my feet and wrapped around my ankle.

This is his new favorite “hiding” place: me.

It makes me smile.

I love that he comes to me to hide. I hope this is always his default.  I hope he always feels good to hide with me, not from me.

_ _ _

Today I’m thinking about my hiding habits.

What pushes me into hiding?  And where do I run and hide?

To be honest, I think the biggest thing that makes me hide is shame.  Deserved shame when I’ve done something stupid.  Or undeserved shame from a false accusation.  Both set me running.  Away.  Far, far away.

shame [ shaym ]
  1. negative emotion that combines feelings of dishonor, unworthiness, and embarrassment
  2. capacity to feel unworthy
  3. state of disgrace or dishonor

At that moment, their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they strung fig leaves together around their hips to cover themselves. (Gen 3:7 NLT)

Yes that would be me.  Using my own strength and resources to find a solution.  To fix.  To cover. To cover-up. To gloss over.

Toward evening they heard the LORD God walking about in the garden, so they hid themselves among the trees. (Gen 3:8 NLT)

Yes I’ve done that.  Even today.  Hid from Yahweh.  Even as He pursues me.  Even as He pours out mercy and forgiveness and restoration.

My response to hide away from God comes from some deep and sinful desires of my heart.  That I would be my own God and get to squirm away from any and all authority.  To be subject to no one and no thing.  Unyielding. Defiant.  Powerful.  That I could establish my own kingdom.  Where I am always right.  Where I am utterly unaffected by anyone or anything else.  Even as I type this, I feel that dark ego wanting to rise.  Oh how my self-righteousness wants that existence.

But today, as I look at the fullness of joy in my son’s simple life, I know that the pursuits of my ego are false and empty.

And I am inspired by him.  Inspired by the way he throws himself into my arms even as I’m speaking correction.  The way he absorbs love during discipline.  The way his failings send him to find me.

That is where joy is.  A life where “sorry” is spoken quickly.  Where confrontation purposes to build bridges not tear them down.  Where shame is quickly shed and forgiveness is abundant.  Where love is the highest goal.

That is the life found with Yahweh instead of hiding from Him.

I cried out, “I’m slipping!” and your unfailing love, O LORD, supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer. The LORD is my fortress; my God is a mighty rock where I can hide. (Psalm 94:18-19, 22 NLT)

Inspired today by my son’s life-filled hiding behaviors.  O that I would never do anything else but run immediately to hide in the safety of Yahweh’s arms.  To listen to His recovery plan.  To walk the restorative path He establishes.  To receive His love as He lifts me out of the fog of shame.  Selah.

What do you think?