He is clearly not feeling well. Our happy toddler has melted into a shadow of himself. I hate when babies get sick.
On any other day, I would have swooped him into my arms and snuggled endlessly. But today, his big sister was sicker than him. Her 103 temperature made his slight fever seem insignificant. Her puking made his need to be held a second priority.
They both cried. And I wanted to.
I can only wipe tears from one child at a time. I can only hold one puking feverish baby at a time. I was forced to decide which one had the greater need. I was forced to set the other aside. It is the opposite of what my heart wants to do.
Today, sickness was relative. I had to compare and judge. In my human limitations, I couldn’t extend grace to both. One had to get the priority care. The other had to be okay without my fully devoted help.
I called my husband to see if he thought I should take her to the after-hours doctor. The toddler’s loud crying made our conversation impossible. “I’m packing up and coming home. It sounds like you need some help.” He is my hero.
Each sick child had their own parent. Pain comforted. Needs met. Snuggles given.
_ _ _
I’m thinking about how I treat people. In my human limitations, do I extend grace to only the highest need? Do I compare and judge peoples’ journeys and pain because I’m only able to serve the greatest need?
Oh how much we humans need the Spirit of God’s power and grace. Our human levels of grace are so limited.
I am praying now for God’s Grace to overflow. For the vision of His eyes to see the needs of humans with an all-encompassing love. And for the humility to serve each person in their place of need.
Reminds me of the words Jesus spoke about feeding the multitude. The disciples wanted to send the people away to get food. There were too many people. It was simply beyond their human strength and resources.
Now the day began to wear away, and the twelve came and said to him, “Send the crowd away to go into the surrounding villages and countryside to find lodging and get provisions, for we are here in a desolate place.” But he said to them, “You give them something to eat.” They said, “We have no more than five loaves and two fish–unless we are to go and buy food for all these people.” (Luke 9:12-13 ESV)
How quickly I default to feeling inadequate. To feeling overwhelmed and overburdened. Holy Spirit, empower me to be fully yours, ever more, day by day, moment by moment. I want to be part of the miracles you are pouring out. Help me to set aside fear, tiredness, judgement, apathy, and my own limitations. For ministry as a mother. For ministry as a wife, friend, sister, daughter. For ministry to my community and this world. You can do anything. You can do everything. My limitations are not a hinderance when You are involved.