But I have principles

I’m growing my hair out.  It has been short for the past couple of years but now I’m growing it long again.  I really really like my short do but it has to be trimmed regularly. So every few weeks I hack at my hair to tame the mane.  It really is a mane.  Wavy and curly and big.  I have to keep it trimmed because in the blink of an eye it can get totally out of control.  But that annoyance is not the reason why I’m growing it long.

A couple of days ago I asked my hubby if he liked my hair short or long.  He said he didn’t mind.  He always says he doesn’t mind so this time I pushed him on it.  Finally he said, “I don’t want you to do things just to please me.”

I got to share with him that my heart is all about pleasing him.  Who else is there to please?  Who else would I do my hair for?  Who else do I dress for?  If not him, who?  I’m totally happy to grow my hair if it’s what he likes.  I’m totally happy to wear outfits that he likes.  I’m happy to do things that please him.  Not out of obligation or requirement or of being controlled.  It’s out of love.  I may not end up being “stylish” but if I’m beautiful to him, that’s really all that matters.  Yes, I’m totally an awesome wife.

Then our conversation moved on to color. 

I don’t dye my hair.  There are three reasons:
1. Dying hair is expensive.  Even home kits are more than I’m willing to spend.  I’d rather use the money for other things.
2. I quit dying my hair about 7 years ago when I kicked a lot of toxic products out of my life.  I don’t want to have those chemicals soaking into my head.
3. I want to embrace aging.  I hate that aging is not respected in western cultures.  Silver hair and wrinkles are trophies!  I want to celebrate aging.  I want to proudly wear my foxy silver hair!

My hubby subtly hinted that I should start dying my hair again.  All of a sudden the totally awesome wife disappeared.  In her place stood a tweaked, defensive, self-absorbed woman.

Dye my hair?!?!  What? Am I not beautiful enough how I am? Am I an embarrassment?!  Geez.  So much for celebrating aging!  So much for protecting my health from chemicals!  So much for the sacrifices I’ve given to make our budget work.  Blurgh.  The only words I could get out were, “You want dyed hair, you’ll have to work out a way to pay for it.”

Oh man.  I am the worst wife ever.  Good thing I’m married to the most amazing man in the world.  Good thing he’s patient and has over-the-top-amazing self-control.  Good thing he loves me and chooses to overlook my craziness.

I think this situation is a spiritual metaphor.

I love God.  My heart is to please him. Who else is there to please?  Not out of obligation or requirement or of being controlled. It’s out of love.

Until He asks me to do something that goes against my deepest convictions and principles.  Or dreams. Or comfort zone. Or plans. Or personality. Or giftings. Or pretty much anything that is “His idea” vs. “My idea.”

Blurgh.  Ok.  I’m ok.  It’s not that I’m an awful human being… this is just another layer of ridiculous selfishness being peeled away so I can be free.  I never like these revelations about my self.  But I do always like the change God brings.

The deal is: I have always been a woman of principle and conviction.  And honestly, those principles have served me well.  They’ve guided me, protected me and spurred me on.  But they also have served as idols in my life.  Sometimes I will stick to my principles even when I know to let them go.  I have hurt people I love because I put my convictions before them.  I have missed out on some awesome opportunities because of my principles.  And at the end of the day, I don’t want to have a “cause” or a “principle” or a “soapbox” that is about anything but God and His Love.

So I may end up dying my hair. Yikes.  The truth is: my vow about hair dye is waaaay less important than my covenant with my husband.  And my principled-life is less important than the Life I have with Yahweh.  Serving and honoring and obeying and loving God is more important and more wonderful than anything and everything else.

If you grasp and cling to life on your terms, you’ll lose it, but if you let that life go, you’ll get life on God’s terms. (Luke 17:33)

I have a feeling this is going to be a deep lesson in the coming months.  Ha. I bet I’ll get to work on this every day.  Let’s see how long it takes me to let go of my principles and follow God’s Spirit instead!

Let that life go. Selah.

How are you? What is God speaking to you these days?

Want to read through the Bible with me? Today’s readings are  Psalm 52; John 4:1-26

What do you think?