“Your test results are really good.” My doctor smiled.
Oh what words!
I am one year and five months into a medical treatment that is projected to last for three to five years. It feels like each day of the past one year and five months has been giant. It’s been a fight. One step forward and two steps back. Battling an illusive monster. It’s been quite a year… and five months.
My doctor is the only human who really knows what my past one year and five months has been like. She has become very precious to me. I long to see her. She is my coach. My trainer in this long race. My cheerleader. My advocate. She knows my enemy. She knows my story. She knows how far I’ve come. She is in the valley with me. I have come to love her.
Her smiling words were so full. Full of understanding and celebration. I have been so desperate to hear words like this.
Her words mean so much because she knows so much about me. Her words carry more weight than any others. Her words give me strength, joy, energy, focus, hope.
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I’m thinking about my true Coach. Trainer. Cheerleader. Advocate. Guide. Mentor. Savior. Father. Shepherd. Hope.
For only Yahweh truly knows the truth and fullness of my life journey. He knows what I battle in my heart and in my circumstances. He knows my enemy. He knows how far I’ve come. He knows my potential. He has carried me. He has held me. In the valley. More than I know.
Yesterday I saw how dependent I have become on my doctor and her words. I am so eager to know what she knows. Desperate. Open to receive. Ready to believe. Wanting to hear.
Today my heart is convicted and inspired. Reminded to be dependent on words from Yahweh. To crave His beautiful words. To be open to receive. To be ready to believe. To want to hear. Desperately.
His words mean so much because He knows everything about me. His words carry more weight than any other. His words give me strength, joy, energy, focus, hope… and Life.
The Fall blues have snuck into our home. Little by little, sadness has grown in my heart. This time of year is always hard for me. What I’d like to say is things would be better if we had steady income. That I wouldn’t be sad if we could turn the heat on. If I could buy cute shoes and a new coat. And get my hair done. If I could plan delicious, rich, expensive meals. If my husband and I could go on regular dates. If we could fly away to some warm exotic place for a vacation. If… well, the list is long. But, it is a lie. Things would not be better. Creature comforts are not truly comforting. And the Fall blues hit me each year when there’s no sunshine to cover up what’s really going on in my heart: I regularly choose to live without being utterly dependent on God. To live without really, daily, fully needing His Word. To walk my everyday life separate from the Holy Spirit’s shepherding rod and staff. There is no Life in that kind of life. And sadness is the fruit that grows in my heart.
Getting used to the schedule and routine of school has upset my devotional times. It’s time to prioritize time with Him again. Today I’m remembering how much His Word means to me. Remembering to stir up my craving for time with Him. Remembering to cling to and live by His beautiful words. This Fall, God is enough. God is more than enough. If I am willing. Selah.
How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! (Psalm 119:103 ESV)
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“When it is Fall, and I am trying to Choose Joy.”
by Abby Norman | Accidental Devotional
What is your Fall journey like this year? I’d love to hear your story.